and now i have no fear...i'm only into this to enjoy.

the work that i intended to do for volunteering i should probably attempt to do this weekend. i do know this family rather well, and i know that it would make my parents and sister really happy if i did some volunteering for the stockdales. i'm still under the weather. i did discover something yesterday though. i absolutely love watching a sky filled with butterflies. i love the idea of seeing things that i didn't even know existed. it makes my life feel validated. it makes the world seem pure and beautiful, without thinking of all the unfortunates to the world outside. it makes me think that maybe there is a possiblity of feeling comfortable in one's skin.

wow. someone already asking my advice, and its only 8:05. i either am a really great therapist, or i just tell people what they want to hear. maybe that is all therapy really is anyways. i should really start charging for this stuff, considering that i don't get asked how i'm doing. its rather amusing that as soon as i stopped giving so much advice, my phone ceases to ring. sometimes it sort of makes me wonder if that is all i was ever viewed as to begin with. lameoids. well, or maybe it was what i was told awhile back. i was told by a good friend that, "i'm simply just a good listener, and i am always struggling to solve the problem as much as i can." who knows. at least i am vocal about saying that it's nice to be asked every so often how i am doing. it just doesn't seem like it really ever sinks in a good portion of the time.

i hope i can check out a tandem bike soon and see if its worth the while. i would like to be able to ride my bike more and get some exercise. i need to learn to back off from following too close to people on my bike and possibly slow down more. i forget that my legs are stronger than i predict. i also need to learn to really stop thinking every so often and just allow my brain to go numb. the more i think about things, the more i get upset and wish for things that i can't really wish for anyways. i'm stressing myself out over the stupidest things. i don't know why i can never stop my brain...

...and i should probably stop writing because i don't know what else to write without sounding like a moron. i just hope i find the cat. i got home yesterday to see that it was not in the house. i looked everywhere for it to give it water and food. so weird. i guess i'll look around more this afternoon. i'll have to force myself to take a break somewhere in between it all.

oh, and i love this picture.

well, i just received word that i won't be needed for volunteering. even though i'm not big into this show and reality tv, i will put up the link though for in case someone does want to donate to this family and whatnot. i've known the stockdales somewhat well throughout my high school years. ryan and my sister were pretty good friends, and they live really close to some of my family...so i know that we've ended up talking to them somewhat in the past. i just know that as soon as i mentioned this all to my mom, she said, "wow...those kids seriously need some sort of help, so this should make everyone really happy."

you can find out more about it here.

http://www.cbhhomes.com/extreme-makeover/blog/

here is a little bit of info on them.

Ryan and Karia Stockdale married and moved into Karia's childhood home after she graduated from High School. They have four beautiful children, ages 2-6, and all four children suffer from an extremely rare white blood cell disease, called Eosinophilic Esophagatis, that affects major systems of the body.

This disease attacks the blood, lungs, kidneys, esophagus, and digestive system. The most significant consequence of this disease is the children's inability to eat food, they are tube-fed a special type of liquid food.

The condition of the Stockdale home is jeopardizing the health of their children. The water and ventilation systems are bad. The home is not insulated. There is a well in the basement that leaks. Recently, Ryan decided to go back to school to find a cure for his children, and is a full-time student at Boise State University majoring in Immunology. He also works full time to support his family. Karia stays at home with the children and is involved in many charitable works with her church group and the local elementary school. By building this family a new home, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and CBH Homes will help the Stockdale's on their mission to find a cure for this disease, provide a safe environment for their children, and give them a lasting home.

there you go.