I just got a message from an ex. An ex that I loved a lot.
One that I suspected to have just disappeared.
He wants work advice. I want to help him in a way because he had been a heroin addict and has cleaned up his life. The weird thing is he chose the exact career that I am in. It is weird to think that he now is choosing to do the same things that I am doing. I don't really know what to feel about it. I hate that it is bringing up a lot of strange emotions too. It isn't a thing like I would give up everything I have now. I am happier than ever. I am with a man that loves me unconditionally back and wouldn't hurt me like Brendan did. Yet this note is making me feel a lot of sentimental feelings...and a lot of heartache. Perhaps this is a good time to write a song. Maybe it is time that we could be friends. I don't know though. There is so many weird feelings about that time for me. He really let me down. A lot. I cannot decide whether to help guide him or not. I hate saying it, but I don't know if I will ever get over him. There was this sort of chemistry that we had. He had a way of looking at me the same way that my sweet and wonderful Joel does. He definitely would never win me back, and I don't even want that to be thought of as a possibility. Yet i cannot say that there isn't a part of me that misses when we would have good times. Did we ever have good times without being drunk or something though? Maybe it is all just a summertime blur. The summer makes everything seem magical. The desert seems made for lovers. Parks. All that shit. I think it must just be the winter messing with my mind. I love Joel far too much to even bother letting anything like that old time shit to bother me right now.