the relationship between you and me.

i've had many dreams lately about my sister, and the relationship we have. i had a dream recently that she stopped by my house and wanted to do things together. we became close, she was in great health. everything was just like it had been before the news.
you wake up, you know its not what is current, and you allow it all to sink in.

while i know i could attempt certain change towards having a closer relationship, it seems as though we both have become comfortable with where we both are. i know that my lifestyle choice has been disapproved of, and that is perfectly okay. i don't expect to change minds, and i certainly wouldn't want them to act like they are fine with it if they really are not. i've already received the letters, the words, all i ever expected. i'm just glad to have my family again. i'm just glad to know that i won't wake up without a roof over my head, my mattress, my health, and my sanity...to whatever extent i have left...
i'm just glad that i have what i have.
it almost makes me feel guilty to be saddened by such small things. what about all of those suffering across this world of ours? sometimes i wonder if i was meant to go out and help people. sometimes i wonder if my existance is solely based on allowing all of my love to be spread to those that are suffering. yet, is that a healthy perception? doesn't one expect something in return, despite all the odds? would it just make me bitter and resentful?
is mother teresa spinning in her grave, waiting for her iphone?
is ghandi waiting for someone to high five him and dedicate their next hit song on his existance?

do we all only seek to do good in the hopes of gaining some form of credibility?

i like to believe that maybe we all want to love to the point of crying.