the randomness of today

"hey holly?"
"yeah?"
"is your car white?"
"yeah."
"uh, could you move it real fast? the whole field right next to it is on fire."
"...what?"
"yeah, it might burn up your car."
"....whoa. yeah, i'll go do that this second."
(grabbed the keys and darted out the door. car is literally a foot or so away from huge flames. firefighters are everywhere and all of my coworkers are staring at the blaze).

other than this, my day has been somewhat terrible. i'm once again having a day of high stress, wishing that i understood the things that i don't seem to ever understand. i've done a bunch more things wrong, and i'm almost ready to throw in the towel and just give up. while this is me writing under a bunch of emotions, i'm just so tired of feeling like a complete moron. i'm literally about two days away from going to a doctor and asking if i am having early signs of some sort of major issue, considering my lack of concentration and comprehension is starting to concern me. maybe i'm burned out, considering i've never really had much of a break from it all for years. maybe i've finally hit some sort of terrible stress breakdown. i just know that i have a pounding headache, my eyes are filling with tears, i drove almost to ontario yesterday thanks to a "lets just not tell the public that the middleton exit is closed" fun game (oh, and they closed the sand hollow exit too. really awesome stuff, let me tell you...especially in almost 100 degree weather in a car without air conditioning), and the conversation i had with my mom on the subject is, "maybe you just need to keep trying."
i've been trying for over a year. i'm still freaking slow and don't get it. either something is seriously wrong with me, or i've got no real skill in life. i will regret writing this all in a matter of hours, considering i'm just really upset, but i had to write it anyways. so whatever. i know i've got some sort of skill, i just frankly am too upset to even believe i've got anything going for me right now. i guess i just need to get rid of this headache and give up and smoke a cigarette.