biological...i don't know why i feel that way with you

i recently have been thinking a lot about many different things. primarily it comes down to where i am now, where i should be eventually, what i want to achieve in my life, and what i have yet to achieve. this is something i think about all the time for sure, but in the last few months it has become much more involving in my mind. i think i'm ready to go back to school soon. i know...i just graduated only a year ago. i already am in tons of debt, but who fucking cares, right? debt, as jon put it so politely, doesn't matter in the end...its your life, you have to make every moment of it. if you have goals, you have to go for them. i want to travel, and i want to be able to eventually have a good amount of income coming in to take time out to make music, get a house, retire...do the things that i think my father regrets not being able to do. i'm trying to do everything that i noticed my father cannot do based on the unfortunate things that have happened to him. its a tragedy that i know he had no control over, but i don't want that happening to me. most importantly, i want to be reassured that whatever happens in my life, i can fucking make it on my own without a doubt in my mind. i know i can do that now, for sure...but i also want to be like that superhero woman that i always pictured myself being. i wasn't born a crazy ass geeky chick for nothing, my friends...i was brought into this world by one of the greatest women i've ever known. i'm not going to let down my dreams go to waste now. i'm going to be 24, and i've already achieved a lot of great things. i just want to achieve as much of them as i can, as long as i can, and eventually be able to tell all the heresayers to fuck off. okay, so that's just part of the great part of the dream...that's not the ultimate goal. still.
this is just becoming a rant at this point. so to get to the thesis of my whole blog here, i want to eventually be able to achieve all the goals that i never thought were possible.
now, the next part of my rant goes into this other thought i was thinking as i was walking into the library on this delightful rainy sunday afternoon. as i was listening to air's talkie walkie, the song "biological" came on (my favorite song on the album), and this line killed me. it knocked me down...
"biological, i don't know why i feel that way with you....biological"
and i started thinking about the idea of attraction...the idea of chemical influence, the idea of natural attraction based on experiences, knowledge, physicality and whatnot...
but i got hung up on the idea especially of lives that seem connected without necessarily knowing the person throughout the groundbreaking pinnacle moments of your existance.
what if we all can connect ourselves based on a matter of small instances, moments in time that were so arbitrary as they were happening? what if that is what our friendships and relationships really are all about?
what if it is the fact that you feel as though you both have lived through the same feelings and moments? is it because you can read each others various experiences without having to say them?
is this the true definition of love?
recently i was told that the definition is based on when you look into someone's eyes...that you get this feeling, that you see this glimmer of something that you havn't felt before. i've heard that love is defined as the moment where you realize most of your time you are wondering what that person is doing, if they are thinking of you, if they miss you back. i've heard that it's when you get butterflies in your stomach when you see them and begin to stutter on the words you want to say. i came to a different conclusion today...and maybe i am completely wrong here, and i'd love to hear some feedback on this one. this is just my interpretation, of course.
i think love is based on that crowning moment where you realize that you really don't want to ever be with anyone else, that this is the person you want to spend your time with. they know where you've been in life, they know what you've been through...they know your friends, they know you. you don't bore each other. you don't find complications in being within their presense, and you don't get consistantly annoyed with their behaviors...you just see them as being human. you might still gaze at other people and admire their attractive features, but you don't want them. you don't care. you just want that person you are with. it's not defined as a necessary moment, its just the idea of how you feel about this person as a whole, and how you view feeling about them in the future. i used to believe that love was based on what you feel at that moment...but momentary value seems questionable to me. you can feel many things at once. i like to believe that love and lust are easily confused. i know i've confused those things in my past, for sure. i've written on this subject a lot because so many of my friends have this habit of trying to figure out the definitions of love based on their own relationships...are they really in love? do they love them back? are they making a mistake? should they be moving on? i think most people have...at least for a small amount of time. i guess what i'm getting at is i came to this conclusion, that i can't help but believe its rather simple. if things are always seeming equal, that you both consistantly want the same things, that it is love. to try questioning it is where things can become complicated. things don't always have to be questioned. i mean, if you are with someone that never seems to call you or always has the "i was at the bar" stories, dependency issues, etc...well yeah, you should be questioning it and probably getting out of the relationship altogether. if they seem to be putting the same effort into it that you are though, why question what you have? take it as it is...take it easy. have a lot of fantastic moments together, live for what you've got then. from there the answers will come. in other words, (and yes i am giving my feelings away) i guess you could say that i am to my own conclusion, and i guess this could easily be read and interpreted how it must... hopefully this comes as a great answer to the people i've talked to recently about the "what is love?" conversations that have occurred between us...

oh and the new air from what i've heard should be really awesome. i can't wait to get pocket symphony! its coming out march 5th!! early birthday present, eh? wahah!!