i got home, and i sat down. i spoke with a friend that i had not spoken to in many years, which was pleasant. i got onto a social networking site and checked my messages. a friend from high school asked to be added into the "friends" category, and i was once again happy to have such an experience happen out of the blue. since i was on nostalgia lane, i put on some neil young and crazy horse. it felt great to listen to (and i fully admit that i am listening to crosby, stills, nash and young right now to really get myself into this particular writing flow), but it also made me feel a lot of other random feelings.
when i first met my ex-boyfriend of 2-3 years ago, he was a recovering heroin addict. most of my friends thought he was a nice guy, although they always wondered why we were dating exactly. he was a huge 60's revelation guy from cleveland, and i was a little farm town woman living in boise. it didn't really make a lot of sense, but either way we ended up dating off an on for a year or so. as you probably imagined by now, he fell back into using heroin not long after we started dating, and basically the relationship didn't really exist anymore. when we'd hang out, we'd go out in the middle of nowhere and listen to "down by the river" by crosby, stills, nash and young on repeat. "cinnamon girl" by neil young and crazy horse was also a constant repeating single in the repertoire, which was a nice change from the regular mix of the grateful dead or ratdog. i never cared for that kind of music, and i don't think i ever will. i know there is always the hippie stoner that claims that it is some revelation to really dig deeply into what is going on with the grateful dead, but i've listened to more grateful dead than i have ever cared to hear, and you could never get high enough to make that music a true "revelation of thought and mind." the thing that kept us together at all was "cinnamon girl".
there was one particular part in the song where someone's voice cracks. in some weird way the off toned high shriek comes out sounding fantastic in that particular part of the song. in the version that he would put in the car, it was from a live performance. at one part someone goes, "yeah" in a particular part in the song where it didn't seem to connect with any major chorus or note structure. it was sort of there just as an obvious, "i'm digging this" kind of message. little did i know that he would be on mushrooms or whatever else drug while i'd be sitting there listening to the same part about 50 times every sitting.
yet, this song still gets to me. it's catchy and sort of like something my dad would listen to. actually, i know he listens to. there are particular bands and styles of music that i imagine most people hide from others. they think that to admit to liking fleetwood mac, as an example, will mean that they must like a bunch of 40-year-olds getting it on with one another. when you put it in terms like that, it really does sound kind of awesome, and i apologize because i was going for the opposite...but the point is, for some that might be embarrassing. instead they keep this music closed away behind doors and they never admit to liking it. i remember being ashamed to tell a friend once that i adored queen, in which she said, "you know...i love queen too." it turned out that most of my friends loved queen, but they were embarrassed to admit to it. why? is it because there is an experience behind that particular band? is it because of some sort of social pro quo?
the thing i should end this with is really what is the most important. i loved my ex a great deal back then, but not nearly as much as i love the man that i am going to marry. i feel really blessed to have found a wonderful man who is also my best friend. i thought i would point this out, considering this is a more in depth post than my usual. i just felt like going off about a random musical experience.
anyways...that is it for now. ciao!
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