pulling weeds from the backyard: part one of the conquest

after spending a good hour in the backyard pulling weeds, i have come up with my list of things that are my ultimate nemesis.

1. the pill bug.

okay, this pesky little bastard doesn't seem to do much except get in the way. well, and i assume they eat the roots of the plants or something. either way, they roll into this little ball like, "hey bitch, you can't tell i'm here" sort of stuff. assholes.

2. buttonweed

this shit is the most irritating kind of weed you can imagine. i'm pretty sure that if god exists, he will make sure this stuff grows all over my grave just in spite. the worst thing about it is i'm pretty sure you could pour gas all over this and then burn it and it will STILL survive. i pulled the pesky buggers out of the ground by the root last year and they've come pack three times as badly this year. i just poured a bunch of vinegar over this stuff to see what happens, so cross your fingers that it might do the trick. most likely not. stupid buttonweed.

3. dandelions

i don't actually mind the dandelions as much. they have a bit of a charm to the landscape of hell that i call the back yard. while they mock me with their damn seed pods that scatter just by looking at them, they at least add some color to the landscape. it's like finding the bottle of shiraz in the mix of MD 20/20

4. earwigs

these things are fucking scary looking. just look at them! not only that, but they do a number on your yard. they must mate like crazy too, since one day i'll see one of them, then the next day there will be around 30 BILLION of them. assholes.

while i have basically had no effect on the yard as of yet, i am assuming that one of these things will eventually kill out the other elements and then i can hopefully conquer one thing vs. four things. then...victory shall be mine!
in conclusion, i also am FINALLY feeling pretty much 100% better. it has taken over a damned month, but i woke up this morning feeling pretty good. i still sleep a lot more than i ever imagined of myself, but i am definitely feeling as though i am coming through the fog of this stupid illness. i also should mention that i have concluded that today is holly day and i will start celebrating by drinking a cocktail here in a bit. salute!