i would like to know your photograph.

now i can finally write a lot of what i'm thinking and feeling, seeing as i am completely alone.
i've been putting in a lot of work lately. i guess i've been wanting to excel at something. the only problem is i wake up and find myself talking about linetypes, meaning i'm dreaming about autocad.

i then realized that i've also been having many dreams about feeling inadequate in the world. i didn't really know why i was having such dreams, considering i am struggling to continually succeed further in my life.
then i also didn't really know why i have been stuck in this weird funk of feeling good for absolutely nothing. i think its when i know that i'm maybe not doing something that is really important to me. i guess lately that has been music. it's also been my whole change of crocheting techniques that have not been working in my favor, but that is entirely another story...
but yeah. i go through phases where i feel as though i'm not good enough to be where i am, or to have achieved certain things and goals. most importantly, i guess you could say that sometimes i wonder if its all going to come crashing down on me again. at the same time, i'm rather proud of the fact i've made it this far. i have no idea why this has upset me so much. i guess its the fact that i'm so young, and i'm doing so much already...and i keep thinking that maybe i shouldn't be caring about such things and dropping it all. travelling. i guess what bothers me is something else entirely that is so ridiculously stupid, and i know it is. i keep trying to put it behind me and to not think about it, but sometimes i wonder about it and wonder if i'm all alone in it and...yeah. just a lot of overwhelming thoughts. i should stop now. i'm at work and i want to get this done. sigh.